


This Time I'll Make It Crystal Clear

by Nervouslaughter508



Series: heathens galore? Maybe. absolute chaos and scumbaggery? Yes [4]
Category: The School for Good and Evil - Soman Chainani
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Friendship, Pre-Relationship, SO MUCH ANGST GUYS, Some Humor, Teen Romance, dot's the best wingman, hester is a big lesbian disaster we love her, hort fell off the roof, minor horavan nicophie and reatrix
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:01:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nervouslaughter508/pseuds/Nervouslaughter508
Summary: Hester goes to Hort's house with a plan and junk food. She also brings her emotional baggage, and a suffocating fear.She leaves with none of that.
Relationships: Anadil/Hester (The School for Good and Evil)
Series: heathens galore? Maybe. absolute chaos and scumbaggery? Yes [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544545
Comments: 12
Kudos: 30





	This Time I'll Make It Crystal Clear

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This can be read as a standalone, and it corresponds with chapter eleven of chat for short kings and boolies. 
> 
> rated t for mentions of abuse and drugs, I would advise not reading if they are a sensitive subject for you 
> 
> Songs: 
> 
> Crystal Clear by Hayley Williams 
> 
> Too Much Time Together by San Cisco 
> 
> Hands Down by Dashboard Confessional 
> 
> She’s Casual by The Hunna 
> 
> Sorry by Halsey 
> 
> I Always Knew by The Vaccines 
> 
> Level of Concern by Twenty One Pilots

“Call Anadil.” 

“ _ Calling Anadil.”  _

The phone rings twice before it’s picked up. “ _ Hey, what’s up?”  _ Hester can tell she’s smiling by her voice, and Hester has to stop herself from beaming at it. She’s so sappy. 

“Nothing much.”

_ “Are you on your way here?”  _

“You sound like you’re being tortured.” 

_ “Essentially, I am.”  _

“Miss me that much, do you?” Hester mentally compliments her daring. And then Anadil has to go and say something that makes her insides melt like Dot’s chocolate ice cream cones under the sun and makes Hesters cheeks heat up. 

_ “You know I do.”  _

__

Hester clears her throat. “Uh, well, I- I was going to the store and was wondering if you could send me a list or something like that.” She sounds so dumb. Jesus she’s lost all her nerve at that stupid, adoarble response. Anadil has her wrapped around her finger and she doesn’t even know it. 

_ “Hold on-”  _ Hester can hear the sounds of banging against a door. She yells back, and Hester waits, amused. Someone laughs and Anadil sighs into the phone.  _ “Horts being a little diva and-”  _ Someone wails in the background “ _ -yes you are, anyways, he wants to know if you’re staying over.”  _

Hester laughs despite herself. “Hell no, I can’t. My mom is going to be pissed if she finds out I’m gone.” 

“ _ That massively sucks Hester.”  _

“You’ll survive.” 

_ “I don’t think I’ll last any longer with these two. Ravan has a list, I’ll have him send it to you. He’s like, taken over the kitchen cause he’s the only one who can really cook.”  _

“How long are you going to be staying at his house?”

Anadil sighs. “ _ I don’t know. You know that Hort’s dad works night shifts so he’s never at the house. I just can’t imagine staying at home for so long Hester.”  _

“Yeah I get you.” Hester says, trying to sound sympathetic. She doesn’t like it when Anadil sounds so sad, but she doesn’t know what to do or say, other than listen. 

“ _ I went over there the other day to get some clothes and it was a train wreck.”  _

Hester clutches the steering wheel hard, frowning a bit (okay, a lot) as she waits at the red light. “You know if you need a place to stay-”

“ _ I know.”  _

“Your fucking grandparents man. I don’t care if they throw a bitchfit, I’m glad you’re staying there.” 

Anadil laughs a bit, making Hester smile. “What?”

“ _ You’re so cute when you get defensive.”  _

Hester groans as she starts driving, feeling hot again. “You need to stop that.” She doesn’t really want to stop the whole flirting, cutesy, act, the whole dance they’ve been doing since freshman year. She’s not tired of it, in the least, but she does wish it would just go somewhere. 

“ _ Don’t worry, only me and Dot know you’re a big softie.”  _

“You, Dot, Agatha, Hort, Sophie, Nicola, Tedros, Ravan, Reena, Bea-”

“ _ Now you’re just bringing random people up. I wonder how Dot is doing with her uncle?”  _

“She sent me a picture of her making her own home movie theater with all her stuffed animals.” 

_ “I miss her. I miss them all, if I have to be honest.” _

“For some reason, so do I.” 

_ “‘For some reason’, yeah right Hester.”  _

“Ugh, fine, I miss them because they’re my...ack.” 

_ “Your-”  _ Anadil prompts. 

“Friends! Ugh, friends!” Hester says, smiling madly at their teasing. 

_ “There it is.”  _

“You hear about Sophie and Nicola?” Hester asks, turning to the plaza. 

_ “I did hear Hort’s inhumane screeching, so … yeah. “ _

“Pft, I bet. What’d he say?” 

_ “Well ever since he rolled down the roof and into the snowbank he’s been acting really weird and all hyper, so it’s been hard for me to get it, but he was happy. But really, good for them.”  _

Hester parks at the store and turns the engine off, looking for her red face mask. “Yeah, good for them.” 

“ _ I don’t know, Hort’s weird. He was happy when he heard. Imagine how that would be. Like, if me and you got together. Actually, that would be just-” _

“Yeah imagine. I’m here, I gotta go. Make sure Ravan sends me that list.” 

“ _ Oh, okay. Bye.”  _

“Bye.” 

I’ve really got to get a reel in on all of these  _ feelings _ , Hester seethes.  _ But really!  _

Hester snaps her mask on and stomps up to the store, then stops to look at herself in the reflecting panels of the store. She looks hurt.

Why is she hurt? 

Is it because Sophie,  _ Sophie _ of all people, was able to finally ask out the girl she likes, despite not even knowing her as long as Hester had known Anadil? 

Is it because she can’t be the place of safety Anadil wants? Anadil was looking for someone and somewhere to feel safe and lay her head and she found it at Hort’s house. She found it somewhere that wasn’t with Hester, and that’s fine. It’s  _ fine  _ because Hester knows Anadil feels safe there and that’s good enough for her _.  _ Is it frustration brewing because she can’t just get it together? She can’t get her feelings in order and she can’t get a lid on it, and she doesn’t know if she wants to keep on pining like this. 

She sits on the sidewalk with her shoulders stumped and holding her hair.

Where does this leave her? 

Anadil terrifies her. Hester is not a codependent person, and she never has been. But the thing that scares her is that Anadil just might be her other half and she might... need her. She makes fun of Agatha and Tedros for that and they just smile at each other and knowingly just shrug, because they’re so into each other, they don’t even care. Hester hasn’t even thought of the fact that she’s the same. 

Hester lets out a frustrated groan, stringing her hair through her fingers. Why did she listen to Reena anyway? Reena doesn’t even know that Beatrix has had a thing for her ever since her and Nick broke up. Just because Reena told her to? 

Hester was just looking for an excuse to go to her. 

She takes a breath and opens her phone to list that Ravan sent her. 

**_Ravan-_ ** _ Grapes, popcorn, doritos, bread, captain crunch, and at Hort’s request, the largest jar of peanut butter you can find. He's been fatally injured so let's give him that. Also, pizza rolls.  _

**_Hester-_ ** _ the lack of healthy food on this list is disturbing  _

**_Ravan-_ ** _ Grapes. _

**_Ravan- ...._ ** _ and thank you  _

**_Hester-_ ** _ stop being so soft, it doesn’t suit you  _

**_Ravan-_ ** _ fuck you  _

**_Hester-_ ** _ there he is  _

**_Ravan-_ ** _ But really, thanks  _

Hester’s heart unwillingly but totally warms up. 

  
  


“Call Dot.”

“ _ Calling Dot _ .”

The phone is immediately picked up. “ _ Yo _ .” Dot says, obviously chewing something. 

“Is that seriously how you pick up the phone?” Hester asks. 

_ “I'm watching cartoons on discord with the boys.”  _

“Please don’t tell me Chaddick and Tedros are listening. 

There are some snickers from Dot’s background.  _ “Hi Hester!”  _ Someone hollers. 

“Dot-” 

_ “Yeah, I’m muting them. What’s up?”  _

“I’m going to Hort’s house.”

_ “Okay.”  _

Hester waits. 

_ “Wait. it’s ten, you’re breaking your curfew.”  _

Hester continues to wait. 

_ “Hester, I don’t think you’re going because Hort fell off the roof.”  _

“Oh come on, with Ravan fawning all over him, he'll be fine. No, I… uh. I wanted to tell you something.” 

“ _ Is this about your massively invisible yet totally obvious crush on Anadil?”  _

Hester tenses up. “How did you know?” 

_ “You do remember I’m one of your best friends, right? The only person who doesn’t know is Anadil herself.”  _

Hester rolls her eyes. “This is because of that time we were playing smash or pass and-”

_ “This is exactly because of that time Hester. Yep. Totally.”  _

“Dot!” 

_ “Aw come on Hester, what do you want to say? You’re crazy about each other. It’s adorable. It’s your dynamic. It’s Anadil and Hester and you’ve always been that way. It’s your destiny, bro.”  _

Hester is speechless. 

_ “Hester?” _

_ “Oh god I killed my best friend.”  _

“I can’t believe you gave me the best grammys acceptance speech ever and then proceeded to call me bro.” Hester finally says. 

“ _ Whatever, it was still good.” _

“What should I do?”

“ _ Crash your truck into the front of Hort's house, sing a romantic emo ballad of the 2000s to her, sweep her into your arms and go in for the kill.” _

“No to ALL OF THAT DOT WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.” 

“ _ You asked!” _

“Dot, I’m so lost.” 

_ “Oh Hester,”  _ she sighs, but she sounds more fond than anything. “ _ You have been for the last six-ish years, but it’s a good thing you noticed.”  _

“You aren’t helping.” Hester whines. “I’m almost there, and I don’t even have a plan.” 

“ _ I just gave you a plan!”  _

“I don’t like it.”

“ _ Picky.”  _

Hester sits back, tightens the grip she has on the wheel. She breathes in. “Okay. I’m just going to tell her how I feel. And if she doesn’t like it, she doesn’t like it.” 

“ _ Now that’s character growth.” _

“Are you talking about Avatar or me?” 

“ _ You’re like Zuko, and Anadil is like Mai, or wait, no, maybe you’re like Azula-”  _

“I’m there.” Hester says, pulling up the street. 

Hort lives in the shabby side of their wood surrounded small town, with the dingy taupe houses and the broken chain link fences. There’s a rusting car in the front of his house, and the snow is all gone like it was never there at all. There’s a budding tree in the front and through the leaves Hester can see Anadil sitting on the old wooden bench, where they used to hang out back in sophomore year when Hort was drinking protein smoothies and smoking pot all the time. 

They hung out at his house a lot back then, usually with Dot and Nicola sometimes too, and Ravan, Mona, Vex, and Brone when they wanted to play video games. The house doesn’t feel the same anymore after all the events of the last year. Dot’s become friends with a lot more people, people like Kiko and Yara, and Nicola and Hort broke up in the diner in front of everyone that one bad month. Hort hardly spoke. Nicola eventually shied away. Ravan was usually there, but the two of them had this  _ thing  _ and that  _ thing  _ changed things after the Bad Month, and so their annual gaming nights had gradually stopped and it went quiet. People fell apart, but Hester was lucky enough to witness that they were the type of people who came back together too. 

“ _ You’ve got this.” Dot reassures.  _

“Cliche.” 

“ _ You’ve don’t got this?” _

“Confusing.” 

_ “Hester, get the heck out of the car and go get her so I can keep on watching Avatar with the boys.”  _

“Watch your mouth!” 

Dot laughs before hanging up.

She parks, facing the house. 

Hester takes a deep breath out and opens up her door. She stands on the sidewalk, and she can clearly see Anadil sitting on the bench, in a loose ponytail, a baggy shirt that is definitely not hers and sport shorts. She's so  _ pretty _ . 

They look at each other for a minute. 

Hester takes the bags from the backseat and walks up the cracked concrete to the door, all aware of her every movement. She stops in front of the bench. 

“Hi.” She says heavily. 

Anadil doesn’t look like she’ll respond, she just nods. But then she says “Need any help?” and Hester hates this new polite and civil way they’re acting, like they have something folded beneath all the layers to be guilty of. 

“No, I’ll just drop this off inside. I’ll be right back.”

She intentionally planted Anadil to the seat, because she wants to talk to her out here, where they always used to talk. Sort of a crappy thing, now she sees. 

The inside the house is a predictable but yet, disappointing mess. The TV is playing an infomercial that keeps it from being too quiet, and nearly all the lights are off, minus the stove lamps. All the couch cushions are stacked up and piling over each other on the floor. There’s a golden stream of light peeking out from an almost closed door down the hall, where she can guess it’s Hort and Ravan talking lowly to each other over the hum of the lights. It all feels very intimate and domestic. She feels like she’s intruding in their little world. 

She sets down the bags on the counter and yells out, “I brought your junk food!” 

The door creaks and Hort pads out, barefoot with his hair wet. “God Hester, you’re the best. How much was it?” 

“It was only twelve bucks, don’t worry about it. Is your-” she motions vaguely to his head. There's a pitter patter of water falling onto the tiles. “-is it okay?” 

“Dude, I’m fine, it was like, two feet. It was like falling off the bed and into a bunch of bushes. Ravan’s acting like I almost  _ died. _ Sort of nice though,” he says, shrugging and smiling mischievously. “Anadil’s been waiting for you.” 

Hester smiles. Then punches his arm. “Wimp.” 

“Whatever. We’re making pizza rolls!” he calls out. 

Hester steps back outside. 

The air is heavy and tense, and Hester is so fine tuned to the two of them, like everythings faded from grey to black and it’s only her and Anadil and the bench. They simply look fixedly at each other, waiting for each other to make a move. 

It’s Anadil who moves first, scooting over so that Hester can sit next to her, breaking the tense feeling between them. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Hester grapples with that. “What?” she decides on. 

Anadil looks down. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, if I did.” 

“You didn’t.” Hester tells her, looking at her. She’s so pretty. “I just… got nervous. I don’t know.” she runs her fingers through her hair. 

Anadil looks back at her, smiling like it’s a joke. Hester wants to smile too. “Why would you get nervous?” 

_ Just say it  _ Hester tells her in her mind

_ I don’t know how  _ Hester pleads with her. 

_ Yes you do _

Anadil looks at her curiously. 

_ All you have to do is say it  _

_ Say it  _

_ Say it  _

_ Do it! _

_ Give in! _

Hester leans in and kisses Anadil on her lips, steadying herself with an arm on the top of the bench. A warm tingly feeling fills her from the tip of her toes to her lips, and her heart is racing as fast as her mind, and she’s right here and she’s perfect and she’s 

She’s not kissing back. 

Fuck. 

Hester pulls away too fast and immediately feels like she wants to cry and scream and yell at the world for making her do this. The feeling is sucked away and stored in her heart. She wasn’t supposed to do this. She was supposed to talk to her. What did she do?  _ Anadil didn’t want that! _

“Oh my god.” someone says. It might be her. It might have been Anadil. Hester doesn’t know, because she tears away and turns to the edge of the bench, head spinning. 

“I…” Hester says shakily. “I’m so sorry Anadil. God. Fuck.” 

She’s so furious, furious with herself, the universe, why can’t she figure this out? 

“Hester.” Anadil says softly from behind her. Hester wants to cry. She’s gone and ruined it all, hasn’t she?

“I’m so sorry.” Hester says, almost panicking. “I’m so sorry.”  _ I can't lose you.  _

“C’mere.” 

Anadil just opens her arms. Hester hates that it’s so easy to lay back in them, but she does anyways, and she doesn’t understand how Anadil can possibly be so calm. It’s the closest they’ve been in a long time, and all Hester wants her to do is to hold her. 

Hester looks up at her face and Anadil takes a deep breath in and out, and Hester, understanding, inhales and exhales a few times. 

She feels better. A cricket chirps. It’s quiet outside. 

“I’m sorry.” she tells Anadil. 

“I don’t mind.” Anadil tells her, looking down at her. 

“You should.” 

“I mind a little bit.” 

“Why?” 

It’s odd how casual they can be after Hester’s just indirectly revealed her long enduring and suffering feelings for Anadil. 

_ It’s Anadil and Hester and you’ve always been that way. It’s your destiny, bro. _

Wait. 

Hester sits back up. 

Anadil is chewing on her thumbnail. “I guess this is the part where I tell you that I’ve liked you since we’ve met.” 

Hester blinks. “You don’t have to say that now Anadil.” she says. She must feel bad. She feels bad for her. No way.  _ No fucking way. _

Anadil rolls her eyes. “You are so daft, you know that?” 

“It doesn’t make sense,” Hester says, standing up to pace. “You’re you, and you’re… so pretty, obviously, and I’m me. I… don’t need your pity.” 

Anadil stands up scarily fast, and Hester stops burning through the wooden porch to stare at her. “I think you mistake care for pity.” She says, putting a finger under Hester’s chin to make her look at her. “We worry about you.” She smiles, and Hester smiles back at her, but her smile fades. 

“Who’s we?” 

Anadil flusters. “Me. All of our friends. Them. Dot.” 

“It’s the same thing.” Hester says. 

“No it isn’t. You worry about us, don’t you? You were the tiniest bit worried about Hort falling off the roof. You get worried about me going home and Dot being with her dad. You got all protective over Agatha that night in the woods. It’s us caring Hester. Who have we got to rely on except each other? For example, this isn’t pity.” 

Anadil kisses her, and that feeling escapes from Hester's heart and fills her up, but Hester is so surprised she doesn’t kiss her back. 

“That was because I care about you, in a different way than being friendly.” Anadil tells her lowly. “And for the record, you didn’t kiss me back.” 

“You didn’t kiss me back.” Hester says, giving in. 

“How about this time, we both kiss back?” 

They meet in the middle. 

Her lips are smooth and their hands find a way to intertwine, in their proximity. She smells so familiar, a smell that Hester can’t pinpoint but she’d know it anywhere, and the closeness and the sound of their pounding hearts collides and it’s so freaking amazing, and there’s no one outside but the two of them, and when Anadil pulls her closer, there’s no one in the world except for the two of them. 

  
  


(And of course, there’s Hort, who yells “Get it!” from the window next to the door, and then there’s Ravan, who gives them a vaguely apologetic and amused look and drags a grinning Hort away, and the two laugh. 

“I’m going to murder him.” 

“Not without me you aren’t.” 

They kiss again, and Hester doesn't think she'll ever exhaust of that feeling, and they head into the house, hands interwoven like promises they'll keep and words they'll say and secrets and jokes between them, all the new possibilities from the two of them finally, getting their shit together. )

**Author's Note:**

> Hng I loved this dude, I've been writing it since late April. Leave comments and kudos if you enjoyed!


End file.
